


Agress

by milaek



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: AKA what might happen after guns, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cannon-Typical mentions of Saeran not having a good time, Depression, F/M, Fix-It, Gun Violence, Literally its based off of the secret endings, Massive Spoilers for the Secret Endings, Nothing worse than whats actually supposed to happen though, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Threats of Violence, What if Seven didn't have the chance to do that one thing that was really stupid?, What if the MC wasn't a tagalong and actually took charge of her own destiny?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8260289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milaek/pseuds/milaek
Summary: What if in the Secret Endings you weren't just a quiet bystander and actually took charge of your own destiny? What if you didn't let everyone else choose what was best? And what exactly would the consequences of such a scenario be?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Its been a few years since I've written anything, so feedback is always appreciated. Originally this was going to just be a little thing, a quick little what if there were less idiots, but then I started thinking about it and all this happened. We have fun here on the pain train. Also I'm a shippy baby so don't worry, I swear the tags haven't lead you astray. It just takes a bit to get there, yeah?

~

 

      You saw the glint of silver before they came to get you. Seven, no, Saeyoung was hunkered down, gripping his wound tightly after aggravating it typing, eyes screwed shut, when your eyes caught what he had hidden in the folds of his jacket. At first you were confused; If Saeyoung had had a gun all along why hadn't he used it to stop this situation before it all started? He had obviously been trained for dangerous situations, so it couldn't be that he didn't know how to fire one. The thought of anger crossed your mind too -How could he keep you all in danger like this when he had weapon?- But no, you trusted him. He had to have a reason. He wanted to keep you all safe, so if he wasn't using it he likely thought the risk was too high.

 

     ...You still wish he had told you.

 

      "___, are you doing alright?"

 

      Vanderwood's words shook you out of your thoughts. She- He? They seemed concerned, though only passingly towards you. With Saeyoung's blood on the floor and the three of you in a cell you weren't exactly hurt that their concerns were elsewhere.

 

      You nodded.

 

      "I'm fine, thank you. How is Saeyoung holding up?" You asked, glancing over at the boy in question.

 

      "I can hear you, you know..." Saeyoung chuckled weakly, looking up for a moment and flashing a tense '707' smile. "How rude to talk about someone like they're not here~"

 

      You tried your best to give him a smile back, but you could see from the way his eyes fell how hollow it rang even outside of your head.

      "If this idiot is good at anything it's surviving ridiculous situations," Vanderwood cut in. "If we can get out of here and get him to a proper hospital he should come out with a scar at most."

 

      You didn't miss that they didn't mention what would happen if you stayed.

 

      Silence fell between the three of you, broken only by the occasional muffled hiss from Saeyoung. You quietly stood and went to sit by his side, resting your cheek on his uninjured shoulder blade. His good hand came up to rest on the side of your head, brushing gently against your skin. His eyes stared ahead vacantly, a look you knew meant that inside he was a million miles away. Thinking of escape? If Jumin would get the message and understand? His brother?

      You could see his brother when you closed your eyes; could see him breaking the glass of your window, could feel his arm tighten across your windpipe. If it wasn't that it was the sound of bullets whizzing past you, one close enough to move the air against your cheek. You opened your eyes, only then realizing you had closed them in the first place. The sight in front of you wasnt much better. Your boyfriend, the person you had fallen so absolutely in love with over the course of a little over a week, hunched and bleeding in a cell. Your breathing was steady but you felt that you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. How long would it take him to die in a place like this? If the blood loss didn't get him, infection would surely set in without proper care. The sight of Vanderwood pacing in front of you seemed to be bleached out and colorless, even thought you knew you were seeing all of the colors. Would Saeyoung even have time to die of natural causes? For all you knew they were planning to...

      You snapped yourself back into the present and turned your head to take in his scent. Breathing him in and feeling the warmth of his body against your cheek calmed you a little. You knew nothing would come from succumbing to your anxiety right now. The most important thing was to keep a level head until you were out and safe. Letting your emotions run wild in moments like this would just lead to bad decisions and dead bodies, one of which would probably be yours.

 

      Your thoughts stuttered for a moment.

 

      You glanced up at Saeyoung from under your eyelashes, seeing again his vacant stare.

     The events of the past week flashed behind your eyes, Seven's face when his brother appeared in your apartment, Luciel's cold shoulder for days after, his frantic calls when you were away, and coming under fire, literally, from his agency after he had left.

 

      You heard sounds of... something? Coming from the floor above. A person perhaps? Had your captor decided that it was time for a chat?

      You glanced at Saeyoung again without moving. He didn't seem to have registered the noise yet.

      A strange sense of worry bubbled up inside of you. Watching his blank stare you felt your thoughts keep repeating the same idea again and again.

      You wrapped your arms around his middle, hugging him tightly. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into your embrace with a small sigh.

      The strange sound, mechanical you now realized, became louder as it got closer to your cell, and you saw both Saeyoung and Vanderwood look in the direction it was coming from intently. You withdrew your hands from around Saeyoung's waist, and followed their line of sight.

      No one noticed you slipping the silver gun from his pocket into your own on your withdrawal.

      "Meow!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

      Your knees ached as you were forced to kneel in front of the... throne you supposed. You had to stop an almost hysterical laugh from bubbling out of your throat. It was just, so cliche that it stood out like a bad movie. And yet it was sharply real.

      You could see Saeran in the far corner, a look of manic glee in his over-wide eyes. You glanced over and saw that Saeyoung's eyes were similarly drawn to the white haired boy. You went to reach for his hand, but the cultist behind you tightened his grip on your shoulder painfully. You took it as a warning and instead pressed your hands into your jacket pockets. The feel of the cold metal of the gun against your fingers was both calming and nerve wracking. What had you been thinking taking this from Saeyoung?? He was the secret agent, not you.

      Well, you _had_ been thinking that Saeyoung had been emotionally unstable ever since Saeran’s reveal. You didn’t know that if in his state he would make good decisions about the firearm in his possession. Of course taking it from him produced a whole slew of new problems, namely that now _you_ had a gun.

      You knew how to use one in theory: Just turn off the safety, aim, and pull the trigger. But in reality you had never actually shot one, let alone _held one in secret while being imprisoned and threatened in a cult that your supposed-to-be-dead predecessor was running._

      It was all you could do to keep your whole body from shaking as Rika climbed the steps to her throne and took a seat.

      She began monologue-ing, talking about making people happy and bringing her followers to paradise. One look at Saeran and the dungeons downstairs told you that her ‘paradise’ wasn’t something you wanted to experience. She said she was bringing happiness to her followers… Had you ever seen Saeran happy once, even since his return here? He seemed more manic and unpredictable than ever. And the way she talked to him, looked at him, it was more like she was treating him like a tool than a person. From the way they were arguing in front of the three of you, she saw him as a broken tool at that. Even V, who everyone claimed that she had loved desperately, she treated like an unwanted stain on the bottom of her shoe.

      You looked away from Rika and turned your focus to V. He seemed to be almost cowering in the corner, completely subservient to Rika. You knew he thought he was on your side, he had tried to convince her not to do anything to the three of you, but he refused to take any action against what she was doing. He had been letting her **hurt** people, or at the very least Saeran, for **years.** Hair doesn’t just turn white on its own and people don’t break like that if they’re in a healthy environment. And he had _known_ and _watched her do this_ for years on some deluded hope that his unconditional love would save her. And look where that had gotten all of you.

      You hoped his eyes burned every day of his… No. No you couldn’t let yourself hate him… If it had been you in his shoes and Saeyoung in Rika’s you too would have… you would have…

     You would have snapped his damn neck.

      The Saeyoung you knew would never forgive you if you let him hurt people like this, if you let him live his life as a monster.

       You heard a hissing gasp next to you as your thoughts spiraled with anger burning in your veins. The sound jolted you enough that your blood cooled. You turned to look at it source and saw Saeyoung with his hands in his pockets, staring at Rika blankly, eyes wide with terror.

      Ah.

      He had noticed he was missing a certain metal implement.

      You watched him and could practically see the gears in his head turning, eyes widening further, and suddenly he was staring right at you, honey-gold eyes piercing into your own. He knew.

      You tried to give him an apologetic look but your attempt was cut short by Rika calling for him. The cultist in charge of him pushed him towards the throne and he stumbled forwards a few steps, a hand coming up to hold his wound again.

      You didn’t like the look Rika was giving him. She was talking about inducting the three of you and you felt cold, sharp fear begin to settle in your gut. You were running out of time.

      It was time for you to stop sitting around.

 

      “Rika!”

      The room fell quiet as she glared down at you. You gulped. You hadn't meant to be that loud.

      You took a few small steps forwards so that you were standing next to Saeyoung. The cultist behind you didn’t stop you so either Rika was allowing it or they just figured you were too weak to be a threat. Their loss.

      “R-Rika, please,” you tried again, quieter this time, “I’ve been working on gathering people for the party you used to host, and I’ve seen how happy it makes people! Why is this the better option? Please help me understand!”

      You _knew_ why she was doing this. She was sick and should have gotten severe help a long time ago. But for now you needed her talking. You needed time.

      She glared down at you with those cold, dead eyes that no-one from the RFA had ever mentioned to you.

      “I’m supposed to believe that you want to understand now? Pathetic. You won't be able to understand until after you have properly joined us.”

      You lowered your eyes and bowed your head slightly.

      “Please Rika. Can’t you at least tell me why you left the RFA without telling anyone about this? Didn’t you want your friends to join you in paradise?”

      You could feel Saeyoung’s eyes boring into your back, but you refused to step back.

      Rika scoffed.

      “I brought it up to some in the beginning, before I had a clear idea of what I had to do. They couldn’t understand. Their eyes were clouded by the way things have always been. They were too accepting of the pain people cause each other every day. But I intend to get them eventually, just like Luciel here.”

      “You said he would not be allowed in paradise!” You heard Saeran scream in protest.

      “Will someone just shut him up?” Rika sighed in disinterest.

       A few of the cultists moved towards Saeran, but before you could even blink Saeyoung was rushing between his twin and the followers.

      “No! I won’t let you hurt my brother ever again!” He yelled, shielding Saeran with his body as best he could.

      The cultists advanced on them without even a second thought.

      “What are you doing? I’ll kill you! I don’t want anything from you you filthy traitor!!” Saeran screeched at Saeyoung, seemingly torn between advancing on his brother and shrinking away from the other cultists. Saeyoung stiffened, but didn't move from in front of his brother. You could see the pain  those words caused him  in every line of his face.

      You whipped your head around to stare at Rika again, hoping that somehow she would stop this, come to her senses, something!

      She stood in front of her gilded throne watching the situation unfold in front of her with absolute disinterest.

      She didn’t give a single fuck about the hurt she was causing to anyone in this room.

 

Something inside you snapped, and suddenly you were seeing red.

 

How **DARE** she.

 

      You moved towards her and her disinterested gaze turned to you, an eyebrow raising ever so slightly.

      You shouted her name in fury as you finally reached into your pocket and pulled out the gun, flicking the safety off.

      This monster in front of you needed to, deserved to die for everything she had done to Saeyoung, Saeran, V, everyone in this room, and no doubt countless others.

      You looked her straight in the eye and took aim.

      You could see the others beginning to react to what was happening out of the corner of your eye, and could hear V beginning to shout at you, terrified.

 

You lowered your eyes and pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which the protagonist probably needs a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *AGRESSIVE SCREECHING*
> 
> I'm so incredibly happy that people have been liking this so far!! Thank you to everyone for such nice comments, it really means a lot to hear from you X3
> 
> The wild ride continues!!!

~

 

          Rika’s scream was high and clear over the sound of the gunshot, calling to a halt all other noises of the room. She crumpled to the floor where she stood, only a few feet away from you, with blood already beginning to pool beneath her.  
V’s own scream came only milliseconds later, but to you it felt like an eternity of silence. Your hands were shaking, your thoughts firing at a million miles per second, everything was falling- But you couldn’t break yet. Couldn’t let yourself break yet. This could end only one of two ways, and you needed to make sure it ended the way you wanted. The other option would leave you dead.

          You steadied your shaking limbs and whirled around, pointing the gun at the cultists.

          “Saeyoung get Saeran NOW.” You commanded, silently willing him to follow your directions. You had a very short amount of time in which everyone was stunned to establish your control.

          Saeyoung didn’t even flinch, blank eyes unwavering as he rushed over to his brother. For his part Saeran seemed shocked into silence, putting up little resistance as Saeyoung pulled his arms behind him, holding him firmly. You were sure to keep the gun trained on the cultists as you watched him.

          V was already rushing to Rika’s side, calling her name desperately. You took a few steps back as he approached so as to keep everyone in front of you and within eyesight.

          “V, start bandaging her wound, and if she tries to say anything shut her up. I don’t care how.”

          He looked up at you stunned for a moment, confusion on his face, before checking Rika’s wound and following your orders.

          “Everyone else, on your knees or I put a bullet in them too,” you continued, eyes trained once again on the cultists on the other end of your gun.

          Vanderwood, who had been surprisingly quiet up until this moment, seemed to slip into their agent training now and turned to face the cultists with a hard-set face.

          “You heard the lady, on your knees or you end up like your leader!”

          There was a tense moment where no-one moved, and you were sure that someone was going to speak against you. The deadlock strained every nerve you had in you and it took everything you had to stand your ground and not crumple to the floor in a shaking, sobbing mess.

          Finally, finally, after what seemed like an eternity of ages, the mass of cultists before you slowly sunk to their knees, hands in the air in surrender. You let out a choked breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding.

          But everything wasn’t sunshine and roses. It seemed that Saeran had regained some semblance of his thought process.

          “NO! I’LL KILL YOU! ILL KILL YOU DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!” He screamed, his voice running ragged at the edges.

          He began to flail in Saeyoung’s grip, frantically trying to free himself, to lunge at you. He looked like a pit fighting dog, spittle flying from his mouth as he snapped his teeth at you with every move. Your grip on the gun tightened reflexively. You could see it in his eyes; he really would kill you right now if he got the chance.

          You heard Saeyoung mutter something under his breath, and then watched as his good hand freed itself from holding his brother and came down hard on the back of his skull.

          Saeran collapsed instantly into Saeyoung’s hold. With his weak arm however, Saeyoung couldn’t keep him upright and he fell ungracefully to the floor. Good, one less headache to deal with for the moment.

          You could hear Rika beginning to make small, pained noises from where V was tending to her, and hoped that it wasn’t the beginning of another.

          You felt another wave of anger towards the incapacitated woman rush through you.

          She didn’t deserve to be alive right now. You should have shot her in the head like you were going to.

          You could hear the noise of ripping cloth, and louder noises from Rika. Perhaps her ridiculous robes would actually end up serving a purpose.

          “Vanderwood, Saeyoung, get ropes or cloth and tie their hands back.” You instructed with far more calm than you felt at that moment, gesturing with your head to the group.

          The two of them moved quickly and quietly, grabbing what items were about the room and on the followers to incapacitate them fairly quickly. Saeyoung quietly took care of tying up his brother as well, moving his body into a more comfortable looking position on the floor afterwards.

          “V, how are her wounds? Did you stop the blood-flow?” You asked, trying to keep the venom you felt out of your voice.

          “She’s- There’s so much-” He started hoarsely, voice cracking in the middle

          “Did you bandage her or not?” You demanded harshly.

          You had very little patience left for this man.

          “I- Yes, but… I don’t know how much good it will do.”

          “If we're lucky Jumin’s people will be here soon. Unless I’m mistaken there’s nothing vital in one’s hip so all you need to do is keep her from bleeding out. Or let her die for all I care, your choice V. Be glad I gave you one.” You said, glaring at him. Even with his sunglasses on you could tell he wasn’t meeting your gaze.

          Saeyoung walked over to V and Rika, refusing to look at the other man, and began to help stabilize her. He really was too good of a person. Vanderwood kept an eye on the captured group, making sure everyone stayed quiet and still, and you remained at the head of the room watching over everyone, gun in hand.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

          When Jumin’s men finally arrived you were almost ready to collapse under the pressure. They swiftly took custody of everyone you had rounded up, and after a few quiet words with Saeyoung Rika and V were rushed to a car headed immediately to a hospital. A very small part of you hoped she died before they got there.

          It wasn’t until Saeyoung’s hands were gently grabbing yours, easing the gun out of your iron grip, that you realised you had barely moved from your position with since the men had arrived. You finally relinquished your hold on the weapon, and it was suddenly as if the floodgates had opened. Whatever had been holding you together for that long finally snapped and tears were rolling down your cheeks in an unending stream. Your breaths became rushed and choked and you could barely stay standing on your shaking legs. Without a word, Saeyoung pulled you into a firm hug. His strong arms held you close to his chest as your sobs violently wracked your body. You could feel his hands balled up in the fabric of your jacket, pressing you to him like he needed you to survive. You clung to him even as the two of you were ushered into another vehicle, and neither of you let go of each other until he was forced away and rushed into surgery.

          Everything after that moment was a blur; doctors checking you, taking your blood pressure, asking if you had been hurt. Jumin must have spoken to them beforehand, because none of them inquired into the events of the days past besides specifics for treatment information. You didn’t know if or for how long Jumin would be able to keep a lid on all of this, but the small part of you that was still functional was thankful for his efforts.

          You were alive.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a much needed conversation is had.

~

 

           You had been in the hospital for hours. Jumin had offered to have a car take you home, but you had refused. Honestly, Jumin had been surprisingly considerate since you had gotten here. He had made sure that you all had been taken care of quickly and efficiently, and no doctors had asked any questions about where exactly everyone’s wounds had come from. Jumin himself had only come to talk to you once. He had made sure the room was empty before asking you for an exact recount of the events of the past day. You had told him as best you could, sparing no detail. You tried hard not to think while giving him the story. If you thought about it, if you let yourself go back there without the imminent threat of death you didn’t know if you would come back out ok. And you didn’t exactly want to break down in front of the one RFA member constantly referred to as an emotional robot…

           Jumin had listened to you silently, never once interrupting your story. Once you were done he thanked you and offered the ride. When you had refused he simply nodded, then informed you that you would be cleared to remain at the hospital overnight to be there for Saeyoung and that he would take care of everything else, so you didn't have to worry. You had thanked him, and he had returned with you to the waiting room before pulling V aside for a chat you assumed would be of a similar nature.

         That left you where you were now, curled up and fidgeting in one of the waiting room chairs, waiting for any news of Saeyoung. It had been hours since you arrived but Saeyoung had only gone into surgery two hours ago. He had insisted on speaking with Jumin first, and then making sure that his brother’s care was well under way before agreeing to care for his own wounds. He really was too good.

           Vanderwood had left quickly after getting the all clear from the doctors, saying that they weren’t interested in whatever shitfest was about to blow up around Seven. You couldn’t exactly blame them however; even to you the whole situation still seemed insane. You weren’t sure where V was at the moment, but he hadn’t returned to the waiting room since walking off with Jumin. You suspected that the two were likely still conversing. There was a lot for him to explain, and several decisions to be made about his and Rika’s futures. To be perfectly honest, you were happy that he wasn’t in the room with you. There were too many repressed issues between the two of you as it was, and you didn’t want that dam to break. You knew he had his reasons, and you knew you thought his reasons were shit. That conversation just wasn’t fated to go well. You would be perfectly happy if you never had to see his face again.

 

           “Ahem…”

 

          A small voice jolted you out of your thoughts. You looked over and saw a nurse standing by the doorway, holding a clipboard.

          "Miss _____?" She asked once she saw that she had your attention.

          You stood up quickly and attempted to straighten out your clothes.

          "Y-yes that's me!" You replied hurriedly.

          She flipped through her notes for a moment before responding.

          "Saeyoung Choi is out of surgery and is resting. I have been told that you have been given permission to visit him now."

          "R-really? Can I see him now??" You asked, almost surprised with how frantic you sounded.

           The nurse nodded.

          "Yes. However he is asleep at the moment and needs his rest, so we ask that you don't disturb him. If you would follow me please?"

          She walked back to the door and you quickly followed her. As she led you through the hallways you could feel your worries rising again.

          "How is he doing? Will his arm be alright?" You inquired, trying to ease some of your thoughts.

          "The doctors were able to mend most of the damage done by the... projectile. He will need to undergo a great deal of physical therapy to return his arm to proper working order, but in time he should be able to make a full recovery." She informed you.

          You let out a tense breath. He was going to be ok...

          The nurse stopped in front of a door in the hallway labeled with a large "7". You almost laughed out loud. Saeyoung would absolutely love the fact that he was put in a room that matched his old nickname.

          "Here we are miss. You are welcome to stay as long as you like. There are blankets on the chair, and if you intend to stay overnight please let us know so we can bring in a cot for you."

          "That would be great, thank you." You told her before stepping inside and closing the door behind you.

          As soon as you entered the room your eyes fell on Saeyoung lying in the bed. There was a monitoring machine hooked up to him and what looked like an IV drip attached to his arm. As your eyes studied his figure you could feel your breath catch in your throat.

          He was beautiful like this, the look on his face almost too peaceful. He looked like a corpse at an open casket funeral. If you couldn't hear the beeping of the machines or see the subtle rise and fall of his chest you could have sworn he was dead.

           It was terrifying.

          You moved across the room, almost dreamlike, to your lover's side.

          He was propped up slightly with pillows and his soft red hair fell around his face like a halo. His face was completely relaxed, so different from how you had seen it these past few days. His long lashes rested gently against his cheeks, and for once you could actually see the detail of them without the glare of his glasses in the way.

          Before you realized it you had reached out and brushed your fingers against his soft cheek.

          He looked like some sort of otherworldly angel like this, but honestly you hated it. You would give anything for him to open his eyes and crack some terrible joke or tease you for being so worried about him. You missed your silly, serious, tiered, mess of a human being. You wanted him to wake up and come back to you.

          You leaned forwards and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

          "Wake up soon my sleeping beauty..." You whispered, almost hoping he would wake up to laugh at your terrible wordplay.

          There was a soft knock at the door, and you quickly pulled away from his face. You expected the nurse to come in, probably with the cot, but instead a tall lanky man stepped into the room.

          Your mood instantly dropped.

          "V, what are you doing here?" You asked, tone flat.

          He ran a hand through his hair nervously. 

          "____? It's you right? I wanted to talk with you." He said.

          You stood up and crossed your arms, taking a deep breath.

          "What do you want?"

          He winced a little at your tone.

          "I- To apologize. For everything that happened. I just... wanted to keep everyone safe. It was better if they didn't have to hear about what Rika was doing."

          "Keeping everyone safe? Is that what you call it??"

          You knew you should probably try to be more understanding, to calmly listen to what he had to say, but you were exhausted and honestly there was no excuse for what he had let her do.

          "Because to me it looked like covering up for the fact that you were to weak willed to do anything about what your broken girlfriend was putting people through!" You continued angrily.

          "She thought she was helping. I-I know that it was my fault she started down that path, I just wanted to take care of it without hurting the others." He explained quietly.

          You rubbed the palms of your hands against your eyes and temples.

          "V, it wasn't your fault she did what she did. She's sick and there was nothing you could do about that. You need to understand that you couldn't have helped her. You're not a doctor and you're not a psychologist. You're just one man. I know it hurts, but sometimes love isn't enough. Love can't fix people, it just makes being broken hurt less."

           You took a breath and steadied your gaze on him.

          "But what  _is_ your fault is that you let it continue. You let it spiral until her sickness and self destruction destroyed  _other people._ I don't know if Saeran will ever recover from what she did to him, I don't know if the other cultists will ever be able to return to their normal lives, and I don't know if Saeyoung will ever be able to forgive the two of you for what you did. I don't know if I ever will either, or anyone else in the RFA. Yoosung was destroyed when you told him Rika had died, and he's still not over it to this day. You really think him hearing that she was sick would have been worse? Your inane...  _whatever,_ I can't tell if its narcissism or delusion, lead us to this point. You could have died back there. _I_ could have died. _Saeyoung_ could have died. I wanted to  **kill** Rika," You walked up to him, not caring that you had to look up to keep your eyes locked on where his lay under his sunglasses, "Honestly I'm still not entirely convinced I  **shouldn't** have killed her. Neither of you deserved a second chance after what happened, but you got one. You should use your luck and make things right. But I swear, if you fuck it up, don't get her help, let all this happen again,  _ **I will find you both and I will fix my mistake.**_ Do you understand me?"

          Your breathing was heavy as you finished speaking, glaring up into the cold reflective surface of his sunglasses. The two of you stared at at each other, or at least you stared at him, for a few very long seconds before he turned his head away.

          "I... I'm sorry I-" 

          "I don't care," you said, cutting him off, though your tone was no longer unkind, "You're not going to find your absolution with me. I understand that you regret what happened, but it doesn't matter and I'm not the one who can forgive you for what you did and didn't do. I accept that you're apologetic, but I'm still incredibly upset and will need a very, very long time to come to terms with what happened and how I feel about it. That's all I can give you." You finished softly.

          There was another long silence before V swallowed hard and nodded.

          "I understand."

          "Good. Now, is that all you needed?" You asked gently. You knew he was suffering through this too, and now that you had said your piece you didn't see any point in actively trying to hurt him further.

          "Yes. Take good care of Saeyoung, alright? I'm trusting you with him..." 

           You nodded, then remembering his vision added a verbal recognition.

           V nodded again, this time more to himself than to you.

           "Good. Then I'll leave now. Good night." He said quietly, then turned and carefully left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> V is getting a bit of the short end of the stick in this chapter I know, but don't worry it's not the last we'll see of him. I know it seems like this is wrapping up, but trust me there's still a lot more to come! You don't think everything goes away once the situation is over, do you? ;3
> 
> As always comments are loved and appreciated! Thank you so much for all the love you guys have been showing this fic <3


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a couple reunites.

~

 

          You breathed out a sigh once the door finally closed behind V. You felt good for getting what you had to say off of your chest, but at the same time you felt a little bad. It had never been your style to get angry or hateful towards anyone, but you felt that he needed to hear what you had had to say.

          "How rude, he stopped by and didn't even say anything to me?"

          You nearly jumped out of your skin, whirling around to find the speaker.

          Sitting upright and surprisingly awake was Saeyoung, eyes slightly squinted to see you without his glasses. His face was pulled into a half smirk, though his eyebrows were creased with worry. You instantly rushed to his side.

          "You're awake! What are you doing awake???" You worried over him, reaching over and brushing your hand through his hair, making sure he was all in one piece and not a exhaustion educed hallucination.

          His hair was soft and fluffy against your fingers and he leaned into your hand slightly, making a happy sound.

          "Well, I heard the voice of my Princess Phillip telling me to wake up, and she gave me true love's kiss~" He said groggily, flashing you his trademark smile.

          You blushed a little and hid your cheeks with your free hand. Saeyoung tutted and went to grab the one in his hair, bringing it down to press a kiss to your knuckles.

          "Too cute..." He muttered against them.

          "Saeyoung, you're supposed to be resting... How is your arm feeling?" You asked, trying to hide your growing embarrassment by leaning over to inspect his bandaged shoulder.

          His face fell and the playful attitude he had been holding dropped.

          "...Its alright. I'm probably still hopped up on drugs though, so it'll get worse as they wear off," he said, shrugging.

           There was an awkward moment of silence between the two of you during which Saeyoung rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb gently.

          Eventually you broke it.

          "So... you heard the whole conversation with V then, didn't you?"

          He sighed and nodded slightly.

          "Yeah. You really gave it to him, huh?"

          "...I- yeah. I should have... put it more tactfully, right?"

          "Honestly, it was a little gratifying to hear you chew him out like that, tact or no." He admitted, absently turning your hand and tracing the lines of your palm, "He needs to understand how irresponsible he was..."

          You nodded in agreement.

          "I'm just.... so tiered. I don't want to think about him or Rika anymore. We're okay now, I should focus on that."

          Saeyoung's face hardened and he looked away from you. You frantically tried to retrace your steps, to figure out what you could have possibly said to upset him...

          Oh.

          "I-I'm sure Saeran will be fine too! I heard that they finished pumping his system and that he should be able to start intensive therapy as soon as tomorrow! These people really know what they're doing, I'm positive they'll be able to help your brother!" You exclaimed, trying to lift your boyfriend's spirits.

          "I know these people are good, but I cant help but feel he's going to wake up in that hospital room all alone and feel like everyone has abandoned him  _again!_ " He said, his eyes suddenly widening, "I- I need to be there for him. I need to be there when he wakes up! He already thinks i abandoned him once I can't let him live through that again!!"

          He tried to push himself up and out of bed but winced hard as he attempted to move and put weight on his injured arm. You hurriedly placed your hands on his chest, pushing him back down against the bed.

          "Saeyoung no! What are you thinking? You cant get out of bed like this! You need to stay in here and recover." You fretted, "And... well. When we last spoke to Saeran he hated you, wanted to kill you even. I don't think being knocked out and forcibly taken to a hospital is going to help his feelings towards you. Why don't you give him a few sessions first, see if he can get some of that misplaced hatred out of his system before going to visit him?"

          You looked at him pleadingly. You knew he loved his brother dearly, probably more than he loved himself, but he needed to focus on recovering before taking on his brother's state.

          He looked at you defiantly for a good couple of seconds before deflating and allowing himself to fall back down under your insistent pressure.

          "...yeah. Fuck. This is so complicated. I need to think about it..."

          "Just focus on getting better first. By the time they let you out of here Saeran might be emotionally stable enough for a visit! But the more you struggle the more likely they'll keep you in this room for longer and the less time you'll have to take care of him." you advised.

          He nodded in agreement, but his face still looked incredibly melancholy. You needed to be there for him in times like these where he couldn't be there for himself. You removed your hands from his chest, passingly embarrassed that you had left them there for so long, and leaned down to press a kiss against his forehead.

          "It will all work out. It just needs some time, you know?" 

          You gave him your best smile to follow your words. He gave a small one back, but the melancholy look didn't recede. At least it didn't until he seemed to have a moment of realization, eyes widening as he looked at you. He reached out quickly to put a hand on your shoulder, looking at your face worriedly.

          "I forgot- I didn't even ask you how you were doing after all this! Look at me, complaining like a child without even thinking about how you must be feeling!" He exclaimed, searching your face for some hint of hurt or displeasure.

          You didn't miss a beat.

          "Oh, me? I'm completely fine, you don't need to worry about me," you said, smiling at him, "The doctors checked me over and gave me the all clear!"

          It wasn't a lie, not really. The doctors had checked you for any signs of injury or severe shock and/or trauma, and had concluded that you were safe to leave the hospital. You had been given several numbers of local therapists for if you felt the need to talk to anyone, but it was unlikely you would follow up. There were to many secrets coiled into everything that had happened. As for how you were doing mentally... You were holding together. You were functioning. If you didn't think about it you would be fine. But you could feel it there in the back of your mind, that fear and anxiety, waiting for you to slip up for them to gain entry. If you just put up walls though, you would be able to hold them back. Saeyoung needed you right now, as did everyone else in the RFA. Everyone needed you to be stable and calm throughout this, to be a rock for them to hold on to. That was your job in the group you had found, to be the glue to keep everyone else positive and together. So it wasn't really a lie. You were fine. You had to be.

          "Are you sure?" Saeyoung asked, worry still clear on his face, "I've been prepared for this sort of stuff. The agency taught me how to deal with being taken hostage or being under fire or even shooting people. Hell, that was part of the job description. But you, you don't have that training. You're innocent, a good person. You're sure you're holding up alright?"

          You brightened your smile and reached out to squeeze his hand.

          "Of course I am Saeyoung. I told you, I'm a strong girl." 

          That's right. You were strong. You were strong enough to deal with this.

          He didn't seem entirely convinced but you could see the exhaustion taking over his thoughts.

         "Alright. If you say so." He conceded, "Just, promise me you'll talk to someone if it gets to be too much, alright?"

          "I promise."

          He nodded and then let his head rest on the pillows again. He seemed to be struggling to stay awake.

          "I'm not going anywhere, so why don't you go back to sleep? The doctors said you need to rest up for your wound to heal!"

          "I think... that I might just do that... Thank you ____. For being with me." He said quietly.

          You squeezed his hand again.

          "There is nowhere I'd rather be." You told him. And that one really was the full truth.

          He squeezed your hand back lightly, then closed his eyes. He was asleep in less than five minutes. You made yourself more comfortable in your chair, moving it so that you could remain holding his hand while still resting your arm, before laying your head against your shoulder and following suit. The nurse would alert you when she returned with a cot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, and that this was a shorter chapter! Mid terms were this week and next so I'm in a little bit of a human whirlwind at the moment. Plus my jaw has decided it no longer wants to be a team player so I spent most of my time yesterday and today when I wasn't studying in pain suggested sleep.
> 
> But yay! Seven and MC being cute and coupley and good!!! I'm on the fence about changing the rating and adding a sex scene later in the fic, part of me wants to because it would be adorbs and fun to write but then the other half of me is like 'noooo it will alienate readers and take away from the plot!' so if you all could maybe let me know what you think about that down in the comments I would be super appreciative! Even if your opinion is that you have no opinion either way! Thanks <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it begins

~

 

         Returning to your home was a strange experience to say the least. The silence of your own apartment was eerie after having gotten used to having Saeyoung by you constantly for the last few days, even if he had been mostly quiet in the beginning. You had remained at the hospital with him for a day but you didn't want to be in the way as he began healing and pushing to visit his brother. It would be hard enough for him to get clearance by himself, let alone if he tried to bring you along with him. Besides... you weren't exactly looking forwards to seeing Saeran again. You knew his actions hadn't been his fault and you didn't hold it against him... but you couldn't help being slightly afraid. None of the times you had met him had lead to particularly, ah, enjoyable situations. So you had politely excused yourself, smiling and telling Saeyoung there were things you needed to get settled back at home anyways.

         The first night alone was the easiest, contrary to what you had expected. You had come home exhausted, a long day of staving off Yoosung and Zen's questions behind you, and had barely had the brainpower left to plug in your phone before passing out face first on your bed. The days deteriorated from there. It started with small things, feeling like something was always hovering just outside of your peripheral vision, double taking at the shadows of regular objects, not being able to fall asleep with the light off. The nightmares began on the third night. 

         You weren't sure how long you had been lying on your bed, trying to force yourself asleep with the light still on above your head, when you heard it. The sound of shattering glass. You were out of bed and on your feet before you had consciously registered what you had heard. With shaking hands your searched your bedside table for something with which to protect yourself, fingers eventually coming to rest on the flashlight you kept there in case of blackouts.

         Now armed you hurried over to the door of your bedroom, silently glad you had been shelling out for a one bedroom apartment instead of a studio. You reached over and flicked off the lights, giving yourself a second to adjust to the darkness before cracking open the door slightly and peering through. You had turned off the main room lights before heading to bed that night so your eyes were unsurprisingly met with more darkness, but you could see the faint outline of your now broken window against the night sky. You continued to look through the crack, trying to spot the intruder. Suddenly the door was torn open from in front of you, your vision suddenly filled with a shadowy figure. The only feature you could see clearly in the darkness were the eyes, blue and bright, almost glowing really, which were glaring down at you. You let out a yell and fell backwards onto the floor. Fuckfuckfuck!!! 

          The person pounced on you, hands reaching out to pin yours to the ground. You tried to hit them with the flashlight but their hold on your wrists was too strong. You were screaming, telling them to let you go, trying to get someone else in the complex to hear you and send for help-!

          The person leaned down to your neck and pain bloomed from where they had gone. Had they bitten you? It felt more like needles, two of them in fact, pressing into your skin. You head quickly started to spin, thoughts going blurry as you still tried to fight against them... Somehow they were drugging you and your vision was dimming out, you were dying-

          You woke up with a throat-rending scream, sweat dripping down your forehead and sides and tears quickly forming and spilling onto your cheeks. Your clothes were cold and sticking to you as you frantically looked around for the dream-assailant. Your thoughts slowly started to collect themselves and piece together as you sat there panicked and shaking. You must have fallen asleep without realizing... but the dream had been so realistic... Your hand came up to feel at your neck and you got a small amount of relief when you felt the smooth, unmarred skin there. You sniffled and reached over to your nightstand, grabbing the flashlight and clutching it to yourself for support. You picked up your phone had dialed in the first 6 digits of Saeyoungs number before your fingers paused. If you told him you were having nightmares he would probably try to drop everything and rush to your side, which would mean leaving Saeran and sticking him in a world of guilt. Or more realistically it would mean he would feel a world of guilt that he wasn't there for you when he decided to stay with Saeran.

          You deleted the numbers.

           Instead you opened up the RFA app and checked to see if any chat rooms were open. It was two in the morning but you wouldn't be surprised if someone was awake...

          You smiled a little when you saw that Jaehee had opened a chat room only a few minutes ago. You wiped away your tears and clicked on the chat room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

          By the time the seventh day came you had learned to dread nighttime. You had taken to avoiding sleep entirely in the tenth day, and though sometimes your body would fall into a rest without your consent you were always awoken after only a few hours in a cold sweat. Even trying to exhaust yourself beforehand never worked, the dreams always found their way in. They had been growing in intensity each night. You would have gladly taken the dream of a breaking to avoid your mind had been conjuring for you recently. You had images of Saeyoungs broken and bloody body burned into your mind now, along with the screams and frantic begging for them to at least let you go that had come before it. Sometimes you experienced the torture yourself, Rika taking revenge for the bullet wound you had given her. Other nights it was Saeran beating you, choking you, screaming in your face. 

          The worst by far though had been of yourself. You had found yourself back at Mint Eye, back with the gun in your hands. Saeyoung had been going to protect his brother from the cultists, and you had turned to look at Rika, intent on killing her. And then her eyes had met yours. She had walked towards you calmly, almost glowing, and whispered words to you. Of safety, kindness, surrender, she had offered you a life of paradise. And you had opened your mouth to reject her, to say that she was insane and her paradise was a lie. But instead of your words leaving your mouth you heard yourself slowly agreeing with her. And suddenly you had believed those words. Then she had quietly given you an order. You had turned around to face Saeyoung who was looking at you with a face full of heartfelt concern, and he had tried to talk to you, ask you why you were suddenly agreeing with her. You had smiled at him, felt so calm as you ignored his questions, and brought the gun to your own head. The look on Saeyoung's face as you took your own life, the scream of your name that he let out as you died, that would haunt you for the rest of your days. You had awoken from that dream sobbing, curled into a ball and twisted under the sheets, and you had cried until no tears were left in your body.

          It had been only a day since that dream. You were sitting on your couch idly watching the television as you had been doing most days since your return. Some of the RFA had visited within the past week and a half but Jaehee and Jumin were of course still overly busy with the added work of trying to decide what to do with Rika. Mostly your visitors had been Zen and Yoosung, but now that Zen was nearing Tech Week rehearsals for his upcoming musical and Yoosung was still trying to make up for the slack he had been giving his college work neither of them had managed many. 

          Saeyoung was supposed to visit you today. You had cleaned your apartment in preparation, even though most of it had remained undisturbed since your return. You had been finding it very difficult to convince yourself to do much of anything since you had gotten here…

          You checked your phone again, seeing if he had texted you about his ETA. 

          Still nothing.

          You sighed and pushed yourself off of the couch, softly padding over to the kitchen. You stood in front of the fridge in silence for a few minutes, staring at the bare-bones contents. You had ordered groceries a week ago but you were reaching the end of them. You didn’t really feel like leaving the house in your current state. You sighed and closed the refrigerator. You weren’t hungry anyways, you had gone to check it mostly out of habit. Honestly you hadn’t been very hungry for the past few days, having maybe some toast or carrots once a day but otherwise not feeling the need to eat. Of course you had been telling everyone you had eaten your meals when they asked, as they always did for some reason, figuring no one would mind the little white lie. 

          You were lying a lot more these days. You still hadn’t come to a decision with Saeyoung and Jumin about whether or not to tell them about the exact state of things with Rika and V and Mint Eye. All they knew for the moment was that you and Saeyoung had taken care of Mint Eye, gotten Saeran back, and that V had been found to have some connections with them. Rika and your part in her injury had so far been left out. You honestly felt terrible about keeping secrets from them, especially seeing as secrets are what started this whole sinkhole of events, but it was important to find the right way and time to tell them what they needed to know. Right now if Yoosung heard that Rika was alive he would be at the hospital instantly, either screaming at her for what she had done or sobbing at her and asking her why. It was more likely he would be the latter, but either one would likely put a stress on her that would impede her recovery. She was undergoing intense therapy and finding medications that could help with some of her issues. Throwing an emotional wrench into that wasn’t exactly on the top of your list.

          Your phone went off in your pocket, the nyan cat song playing happily. You smiled a little and went to answer it. You had set that song as Saeyoung’s ringtone when the two of you were still looking for Saeran. The thought of him always brightened your thoughts a little. You pressed the green button.

          “Hello?” You said, making sure to lift your voice and sound happy.

          “___? Ahhhh it so nice to hear your voice~!” Saeyoung’s voice chimed on the other side.

          You smiled a little more, your cheerful tone coming a little more easily now.

          “Well if it isn’t my favorite person in the galaxy!”

          “Oooh? But galaxies are so small! How am I supposed to compete against all those other billions of star formations? Ahh, never mind. You’re my #1 Shining Star so that's all that matters.” You could practically hear his teasing smile on the other side of the line.

          “Aww, such a sweetheart~ Anyways, what did you call me about?”

          There was a small pause on the other side of the line and you could already hear your heart sinking.

          “Ah, about that... “ He started, tone shifting to a more serious one, “There’s been some trouble with Saeran. He threw something at the therapist today, and I need to take care of it. I know I said I would take a break from the hospital to come see you but-”

          “Saeyoung it's fine, I completely understand,” You said cutting him off before he could become self-deprecatory, “Go take care of your brother. I’ll always be waiting here for you so you can just come another day.”

          “...Are you sure? I want to see you so badly… make sure you're doing alright with my own eyes,” He said softly on the other side of the line.

          Your heart twinged. Could he sense that something was off?

          “You can come tomorrow, it's really ok,” You told him softly. 

           You didn't want him to feel bad about prioritizing his brother. You were a big girl, you could take care of yourself. Saeran…. He really needed all the help he could get right now. It was alright if you got pushed aside.

          “Alright. I promise, when things are all better I will do something huge to make it up to you.”

          “Take me to the space station?” You asked him, mustering a slightly teasing tone.

          “I would take you right now if I could.”

          The sincerity of his tone made your heart swell and you blushed slightly, unable to think of a good response.

          “I can’t wait to see you again ___. I’ll come to you as soon as I can, promise,” He told you before you heard the familiar sound of him hanging up.

          You let out a sigh as you took the phone away from your ear. You hoped things would be better soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AUGH
> 
> Seriously. So sorry. I low key hate this chapter, my writing is not as good as I like to hold myself to and it was a pain to grind out. I wrote up the first few paragraphs TWICE and TWICE my computer died and didn't save. I scream.
> 
> Anyways, updates will probably not be daily at this point but I'll try to do every three ish days? Or idk i might get my spark back once I get back into the meaty portions. 
> 
> As always comments are loved and consumed with aggressive aggressiveness. They really helped me grind out this chapter honestly, knowing that there are people waiting for the next installation that I dont want to disappoint.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bottling is not the answer.

~

 

         Your first panic attack came with fireworks. 

          It was the evening after Saeyoung had canceled your plans together, and you were doing your laundry restlessly. Your sense of time had been off ever since the events at Mint Eye, and you had forgotten that every year around this time your neighborhood held a small fireworks display. 

          You were humming a small tune as you folded the freshly warmed clothes when the first one went off. Instantly you let out a scream and dropped to your knees, covering your head from any possible damage. You weren't in your old apartment anymore, you were in Rika's. The one with the bomb. And you were so sure it had gone off. When you found yourself surprisingly still alive and free from explosion you were confused. Your mind raced to understand what was happening as your blood rushed in your ears.

          The second firework went off.

          You hunkered down lower, your stomach tightening and churning as your fight or flight instincts kicked in full force. But where could you run to escape? What was there to fight? There was nothing, and all you could do was flinch with each loud bang. 

          You were convinced now that your apartment building was being shot at. Only a week and a half ago you had been in a full on shoot-out with Saeyoung's ex-employers. They must have found you, come to kill you to get revenge. 

          Some small part of you knew that something in that thought process was wrong, that there was something you weren't seeing, but it was entirely overwhelmed by the intense fear and panic you were experiencing.

          Your breaths were short and shallow as you huddled there on the floor, and your hands were tingling as you sobbed. You were dying. You couldn't breathe and you were absolutely dying. 

          The finale of the fireworks show began, and the cacophony of all of the explosion noises mixing together sent everything into overdrive. It was all over and you couldn't run or fight and it was going to get you and you were dying and you couldn't make it stop it wouldn't stop-

          You barely had the presence of mind to turn your head away from your knees as you vomited on the floor, your body instinctually attempting to make you lighter for your potential 'flight'. There was almost nothing for your stomach to push out of itself, but the acid burned as it exited all the same. You were vaguely aware that you were wordlessly screaming, unable to stop and not particularly caring. Your stomach heaved again and your voice was cut short.

          Then the fireworks fell silent.

           It took you a good minute to realize that the explosive noize was gone, and even that revelation didn't do much to curb your panic. After a few more minutes of silence from the skies, however, you could feel the adrenaline receeding from your bloodstream. You lay there one the ground shaking next to the small puddle of your own sick, tears still streaming down your face. You had never experienced anything like that attack in your life. Your thoughts slowly began to collect themselves and you realized very belatedly the true source of the noises. You pushed yourself up shakily and went to clean the mess in an exhausted daze, your body more on autopilot than anything else as your mind struggled to peice itself back together to coherency. 

          Then you went to your bedside table and retreived your phone in the same sort of daze, dialing up the one number you knew by heart. When you heard the click of the line on the other end picking up you forced your voice out, even as hoarse and shaky as it was.

          "Saeyoung I lied, I'm not ok."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really sorry that it's a short chapter after such an obscene wait. The writer's block really hit me hard TTnTT I make no promises about when the next chapter will come out, but hopefully I can get the train rolling again to finish this up.


End file.
